Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
