its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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