Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
