If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
