can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
