...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
