i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
