She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
