I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
