umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
