It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
