tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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