Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize