Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
