She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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