coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
