How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
What drink are we having for lunch?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize