So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
