eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
