No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I see more hoeing in ur future
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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