Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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