Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize