Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
