Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It's official drugs can't kill me
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
