Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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