I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize