I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
