my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My pussy is not your playground.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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