Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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