I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
