i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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