Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
