How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
