We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
