god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
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