I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
