I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
