all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
