sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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