you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
