White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The best revenge is premature balding
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
