Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
