I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
