Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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