We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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