I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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