I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
