My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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