You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
