I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
