do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
