Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
