You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
