bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
