WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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