Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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