I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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