I'm gonna have a badass scar
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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