weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
