My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
