Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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