I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
