You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize