So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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