What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize