i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
