I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
